To Find A Home
by kates the firework
Summary: Bucky and Steve go to a dog shelter to help Bucky reconnect with his old self, and they find a dog that needs a home as much as Bucky does. Alt. ending to Civil War. Rated T for flashback scenes.
1. Chapter 1

**_This is something I started writing around the time of Age of Ultron/Civil War coming out. Remember that time, when there was light and hope and no one ever stayed dead in the MCU? *dramatically wipes away a tear*_**

**_I saw this on Pinterest and decided to flesh it out a liiitle bit, hope you guys enjoy!_**

Bucky sat bolt upright, drenched in sweat and panting. He had seen yet another victim of his abilities come back to him in dreams. This one was particularly bad, as it was one he hadn't remembered before. Usually, if he had already had the flashback before, the details were less vivid and he wasn't as panicked waking up. Unfortunately for him, this was one of the bad ones.

He buried his head in his hands, taking deep breaths to try to calm himself down.

"Buck?"

His head snapped up. He had hoped he hadn't woken Steve up this time.

Steve was sitting at the edge of his own bed, hair still tousled from sleep. "Sorry for waking you," Bucky mumbled for what seemed to him to be the one millionth time.

"Don't worry about it, pal," Steve assured him. Over the past few weeks of Bucky staying at the Tower, his relationship with Steve had gradually improved. At first, they both were nervous of each other, both afraid to over step the boundaries, though neither of them knew exactly what the boundaries _were_. It was quite awkward, to say the least. But when Bucky's nightmares started getting really bad, he stopped going to bed. He would go down to the gym, where, unknown to him, another Avenger also went when he couldn't sleep. He and Steve began to spar each other on a regular basis, until Steve actually realised what was going on. He gave Bucky the offer of bunking with him, on his floor, and though he immediately refused at first, Steve eventually brought him around.

At first Bucky was determined not to go to sleep, he was afraid of Steve hearing him and what Steve would think of him. But at this stage he had already been awake for two and a half weeks, and on his second night, unwillingly surrendered to sleep. That night he had one of the worst nightmares he had ever had, and he woke up screaming, still able to feel the pain of the brain wiping machines banging around in his head like a hammer.

Steve had woken long before Bucky had that night, to the sound of his cries, not his screaming. He heard him crying out for help, for mercy, and eventually for Steve himself. He broke Bucky's door down and was sitting on the edge of Bucky's bed when he woke. He was there to comfort him and to calm him down. He didn't ask questions about what Bucky had seen, and he didn't tell anyone else what Bucky was going through. He was just _there_, and that was all Bucky needed.

Once Steve moved into Bucky's room, this new routine developed, and it was the same story nearly every night.

"Was it bad?"

Bucky nodded slowly. "I saw a little girl. She was a threat. I had to-" he cut himself off and swallowed hard.

Steve moved off his own bed and sat next to Bucky on his. He put his hand on his shoulder, and Bucky, for once, didn't flinch from the contact. "I'm sorry, Buck."

"It's not your fault, punk."

Steve grinned unwillingly. "It's been a while since you called me that."

"It's been a while since we've shared a room."

"I seem to recall you being a lot messier," Steve observed, glancing around the spotless room.

"Grew out of it, I guess." Bucky's jaw clenched, and Steve put his arm around him in comfort, recalling all the times Bucky had done the same thing for him.

Bucky looked exhausted. There were dark bruises under his eyes, and his shoulders were slumped forward, almost in defeat. "I just don't see an end, Steve," he mumbled.

Steve's grip on his shoulder tightened, and he swallowed hard. "It's going to take time, Buck. I had nightmares for months after I woke up, and what I went through was nothing like what you did."

Bucky slowly nodded. "I'm going to try to sleep some more," he said after a while. Steve nodded and quickly moved back to his own bed. "Thanks."

"No problem, jerk," Steve replied.

Bucky chuckled and turned onto his side, keeping his eyes wide open, his smile slipping from his face nearly as quickly as it came.

Steve rubbed his chin thoughtfully, staring into space. He needed to come up with some way to stop, or at least alleviate, the pain that Bucky was feeling. He took out his Starkphone and googled "ways to deal with PTSD" and several options came up. He stayed looking until the early hours of the morning, when he had finally made a decision. He rubbed the tiredness out of his eyes as he heard Bucky 'stir,' not knowing that Bucky hadn't slept at all either.

"Morning," Steve said cheerily.

"Morning punk," Bucky grunted in response.

They both made their beds with the same manic precision that had been drilled into them from their army days, a lifetime ago for both of them. "Do you want to go eat with the team?" Steve asked, like he did every morning.

Bucky bit his lip and looked at the ground. "That's okay," Steve said hurriedly, "I must just ask Tony something real quick, do you want to get started without me?"

"I'll wait," came the response.

"I won't be long." Steve hurried into the elevator. "Where's Tony, Friday?"

"In the laboratory, sir. Will I inform him of your impending arrival?"

"Yes please. Thank you, Friday," and with a small beep the AI signed off.

Steve began to pace inside the elevator. Was he doing the right thing, telling Tony what he wanted to do? He knew Stark's feelings towards Bucky, he HAD killed his parents, but Steve had repeatedly told Tony that those were the actions of the Winter Solider, not Bucky Barnes. Tony, unfortunately, saw them as one and the same person.

He opened his mouth to tell Friday to take the elevator back up to his own floor, when it dinged open. _Well, I've come this far_, Steve thought to himself. More than anything else, he needed advice, and he knew that Tony had experience with PTSD possibly more than any other member of the Avengers.

The lab doors automatically opened to let him through. "Capsicle!" Tony called sarcastically, not looking up from the suit he was working on. "I was beginning to think we would never see your face again!"

"Bucky needs me," Steve said immediately, and wished he could have found another way to phrase what had just escaped his lips as a hurt look flashed across Tony's face. "You have more friends than him, Steve."

"I know, I just-" Steve took a deep breath. "I need to ask you something."

Tony sighed and leaned back in his chair, twirling his spanner through his fingers, and met Steve's eyes. "Shoot."

"If I brought a dog into the Tower, would that be alright with you?"

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Yeah, sure it would. You didn't need to ask my permission though. This is your home too."

"I didn't want to presume that you'd be alright with it. Especially since it's for Bucky."

"What does he want a dog for?" A hostile undertone had crept its way into Tony's voice.

"I was looking up the best ways to cure PTSD on the Internet last night, and several websites said that getting some sort of pet can help. And since Bucky always had a fondness of dogs...," Steve trailed off. "I thought it might help him, that's all."

Tony rubbed his eyes tiredly with the heels of his hands. His eyes met Steve's again. "If you think that will help him, then do. I mightn't like him, but I wouldn't wish this on anyone." He turned back to his bench. "If that's all, Cap."

Steve didn't move towards the door, instead he leaned against one of the other benches and folded his arms. "Tony."

Tony turned to face him again. "What?"

"How are you doing?"

He gave the time warped super soldier a tired smile. "I'm alright Capsicle. You?"

He gave Tony the same lie Tony had just given him. "Alright, I suppose."

"You're a terrible liar, Rogers."

"You're not much better, Stark."

Tony kept his gaze trained on the ground. "Since Sokovia, and the Accords... it's just been a lot. It was my fault that those people died," he burst out suddenly.

"If we hadn't stopped Ultron when we did, we wouldn't be talking right now," Steve assured him, knowing exactly where Tony's thoughts were taking him.

"If I hadn't created him in the first place, hundreds of people would still be alive!" He half shouted, before taking a breath. "That's on me, Cap."

"You thought you were doing the right thing, Tony. You were trying to protect us all, don't blame yourself for caring about us," Steve said quietly, remembering what Tony had told him about what Wanda showed him in her vision. "Sometimes saving the world doesn't translate to saving everybody, and we need to find a way to live with that. You care, Tony, you care a lot, and that's what counts."

Tony laughed bitterly. "Have you ever said a bad word about _anyone_?"

"Only about people who deserved it."

Tony just shook his head. "Sometimes I worry about your judgement calls, buddy."

It was Steve's turn to laugh. "You don't know how many times Bucky's said that to me."

"Maybe we're not so different," Tony remarked half heartedly, giving his spanner a last twirl before gripping it in his hand.

"Maybe you should get a dog too, Tony."

Tony laughed again, but this time it wasn't bitter. "Tinkering is therapy enough for me, thanks Cap. Besides, I think Pepper would actually kill me, I'd probably forget to feed it or something."

Steve laughed with him. "I guess I'd better get back."

Tony sighed. "See ya, Cap." He paused, seeming to come to a decision. "Tell your one armed assassin that he can come off your floor sometime, it's not a prison. Maybe we can all eat dinner together or something. I think Thor is bringing Jane and Darcy over tomorrow, and Pepper's flying in tonight."

Steve stopped half way out the door, surprised at Tony's attempt to make peace. "Yeah, I think he'd like that. Thanks, Tony."

Tony nodded gruffly and turned back to his work.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Eventually I got the chance to update, hope you all enjoy!**_

"I don't remember this."

"Trust me Buck, you were the biggest softie in the whole entire world when it came to dogs," Steve said earnestly as they walked down the street. "Literally, you melted any time you saw one."

"I don't remember having one."

"That's because your mom couldn't stand them. She sneezed any time one came near her."

"Oh... yeah, that's right! I remember that! When we spent all that time at the pound that one summer and Ma kept sneezing because there was dog hairs in our clothes!"

Steve grinned. "You had to stay at my house for like a week after, remember?"

Bucky nodded and grinned happily; delighted that some of his former self was starting to come back to him.

Steve opened the door of the dog shelter and they both went in, where a young girl with bright red hair, probably in her early twenties, smiled at them as they entered.

"G'day gents," she greeted them cheerily. "How can I help you?"

"My friend here is looking of a dog," Steve said as Bucky looked at the ground awkwardly.

"Right, well I'll take you both round back and you can see if any of our dogs are suitable for you." She gave another cheery smile and led them through a door to where the dogs were kept.

"Now, most of these fellas have been through a hell of a lot, so you'll need to be patient with them," she warned, before speaking directly to Bucky, "What type of dog are you looking for, sir?"

Bucky shrugged, keeping his hands in his pockets. "I don't know," he replied as they came to the areas that the dogs were kept.

"Do you have much experience with dogs?"

"I-uh-not really, no," he replied again, unsure of exactly how much he could remember, so it was best for him to say he had no experience.

"That's alright, sir, I'll show you some of the younger pups first," she lead the two of them over to an enclosed area with walls that were waist height, when Steve caught Bucky's arm.

"If this doesn't work out, don't sweat it, okay?"

Bucky nodded and swallowed as he followed the girl into the enclosure. She moved with ease among the young pups, who all seemed very familiar with her as they ran in between her ankles and jumped up to try to get her attention. She knelt down and spoke to them. "I have a visitor for you," she spoke with her cheery tone, and the pups all listened attentively to her voice, "and I want you guys to be really good to him, understand?" She glanced back over her shoulder at Bucky, as the pups realised there was a stranger in their home. They tripped and stumbled over to him until the tiny dogs had completely surrounded him. Copying what the girl done, he knelt down to get closer to them. The girl slipped out and joined Steve who was watching Bucky's interactions apprehensively.

"You know, he won't bond with the dogs any faster with you watching him," she remarked.

"Sorry," Steve said, turning to face her apologetically.

"Don't be. Would you like to see some of the dogs yourself or will you wait for your friend?"

"I'll wait, than-" Steve cut himself off as Bucky's quick movements caught his eye. Bucky had he hands up, as if in surrender. Steve stood up quickly and saw that all the dogs had backed away from him, growling and barking. He met Bucky's eyes and saw how afraid he was, and felt ashamed of himself. He shouldn't have pushed him so hard.

The girl quickly rushed in to calm the dogs down, and while her back was turned Bucky tried to get out the way she came, in, but there were several of the dogs blocking his way, growling at him. Panicked at this stage, he backed up against the wall. He gripped it tightly and jumped nimbly over it, where he landed into another enclosure.

Unlike the last one, this enclosure only had five dogs in it, and they were all sitting, curled up, in a pile together. One was curled up on its own in a corner, its ears perked up as Bucky entered and the chocolate brown eyes stayed on him as Bucky took in his new surroundings. The small dog got up from its position in the corner and limped over to him.

The dog was missing its front left leg.

The dog sat expectantly in front of Bucky, balanced itself on its hind legs and put its right paw on Bucky's knee. Bucky carefully extended his gloved left hand and gently placed it on the dog's head. The dog sighed in contentment and rested its head on Bucky's other knee.

"Sir! Are you alright?" The girl, followed closely by Steve, entered the enclosure. They both knelt down to be on the same level as Bucky.

"Yeah, I, uh- my arm frightened the other dogs, I think. I'm sorry."

"Your arm?"

"He's an amputee. His left arm is fake," Steve filled in as Bucky's gaze turned back to the dog, whose eyes were now closed, with its tail swishing on the ground.

"Don't be sorry pet. I just wish you had told me so I wouldn't have put you in with those crackpots." When Bucky didn't respond, she commented dryly, "I see Skippy's become attached," and at the sound of its name, Skippy's ears perked up.

"That's its name?"

"Her. And yes. One of the kids came up with it, since she, you know, hops around the place. I wanted to call her something else, but Skippy stuck and she doesn't answer to anything else now."

Skippy wagged her tail again and whined as Bucky had momentarily taken his hand off her head.

"She's a beautiful dog."

"That she is," the girl agreed, before ruffling Skippy's fur and standing up to brush herself down. She winked at Steve, before addressing Bucky, "Ready to go see some more dogs, sir?"

Bucky looked up at her, then at Steve, then down at Skippy and then back up to Steve again, begging silently. Steve sighed. "I think Skippy will be coming home with us, miss," he said with a reluctant smile.

"Damn. I was hoping he'd change his mind, Skippy's one of my favourites."

As she turned to open the gate for them again, Bucky scooped the little collie up in his arms and grinned happily at Steve. "Thanks buddy."

Steve clapped his friend on the shoulder and grinned back. "Anytime, Buck."

Steve couldn't describe the feeling in his chest as he saw Bucky, smiling and genuinely _happy,_ for the first time in seventy years, then he remembered he used to have that feeling all the time, before the serum and the war and all the pain and suffering they had both been through since the war broke out. He couldn't remember feeling this happy and carefree and just _normal_, not for a long time. Bucky coming back into his life was undoubtedly the best thing to happen to Steve this century.

"Now sir," the girl looked Bucky up and down sternly, as the two men stood on one side f the counter and she stood behind it, "you look like quite an athletic person, if you don't mind me saying, but Skippy won't be able to keep up with you if you're going running or anything like that. Walking is fine, so long as it's not too long a distance. Understood?"

Bucky nodded solemnly, Skippy still in his arms.

"Good." Satisfied that her point had been made, the girl turned to her computer, clicked on the mouse a few times and collected the pages that whirred out of the printer. She slipped them into a folder and held it out for Bucky to take. "This is everything you need to know on Skippy," she told him. "Since she's been here a while, I've quite a lot of stuff on her. She's about two years old, by our reckoning. We found her abandoned on the side of the road when she was a few months," she said sadly. "Her left leg had been blown off, we think from a car accident, but we'll never know. I can see you're fond of her," she added, "but I'm going to have to take your name and number so that I can check in on her and see if she's doing okay. On one of the pages I've give you there is a list of appointments for the next year every month. If you can't make an appointment, you can contact me to reschedule. The contact number is in the folder." She handed him another sheet and a pen. "If you wouldn't mind filling this in for me please."

Holding Skippy securely with his metal arm, he took the pen in his hand and stared down at the sheet. The girl ducked into the back room, and Bucky looked at Steve. "Can we just run for it?"

"What? Why?"

"I don't- I can't-"

"Okay, let's see what it says," Steve slid the sheet over to himself and scanned it, and noticed the word that had had Bucky freaked. ICE.

"We'll just ask her what it means, it can't be that big a deal," Steve assured him. "Fill in the parts you know."

"Steve, do I write down Bucky or James?"

"You two doing okay?" The girl came out of the back room again."D'ye want a hand?"

"Do I put down my nickname or my birth name on this?"

"Whichever you answer to more. It's not an official document, it's just for our systems."

Bucky carefully scribbled _Bucky Barnes_ next to _Name_.

"Excuse me, miss?" Steve asked.

The girl looked up expectantly and smiled.

"What does ICE stand for?"

"In case of emergency. It's just if we can't get onto you, Mister-" she glanced down at the sheet and tried to read it upside down, "B-arnes. It's basically your next of kin, so if, God forbid, something happened to you, your ICE contact person can get onto us about what happens to Skippy."

Bucky nodded silently. His face had gone a bit white.

"It's nothing to worry about though, right?" Steve asked the girl rather than Bucky.

"Oh God no," she assured them both. "It's nothing serious. We just want to make sure our dogs don't end up abandoned again. They've all gone through that the once, so we'd much rather that you'd just bring Skippy back to us if you can't take care of her anymore."

Bucky nodded again and wordlessly passed the sheet and the pen to Steve, who hid a smile. He scribbled down his name and number and handed it back to Bucky, who filled out the rest of the form quietly, holding Skippy in his metal arm the whole time.

The girl behind the counter busied herself with getting a lead, dog food, a dog bowl and various toys Skippy had accumulated over the years. Bucky handed her back the sheets and she filed them away safely. She asked Bucky if she could say goodbye to Skippy, and Bucky handed her over reluctantly. They both watched her as she kissed Skippy on top of her head and hugged her to her chest. With unusually shiny eyes she handed her back to Bucky and the bags of dog equipment to Steve.

"Her first veterinary appointment is here in two weeks, alright? Make sure he's here," she pointed her finger threateningly at Steve, who nodded hastily.

"Yes Ma'am."

She smiled at them both as she ruffled Skippy's fur and held the door open for them. "See you in two weeks!" she called after them.

oOo

_The Next Day_

"Hey, Buck?"

"Mm?"

"Tony suggested that we'd all have dinner together tonight."

"Mm." Bucky didn't look up to answer Steve, he was flat on his stomach, rolling a rubber ball towards Skippy, who was in a similar position in order to catch the ball with her nose and roll it back to him.

"He's trying to make peace, Buck."

Bucky sighed, and Skippy automatically got up and nudged his nose with hers. Bucky gave her a tired half smile and rubbed her head as he sat up. "It's hard enough to face the fact that I killed Howard Stark," Bucky said, holding up a hand to shut Steve up when he tried to interrupt him. "And don't say 'it's wasn't you, it was the Winter Solider-"

"Wasn't going to."

"I still did it, Steve. And now I have to be able to look his son in the face and act like it's no big deal? I destroyed his life." Skippy gave a loud whine and Bucky looked down at her in surprise. She rested her head on his knee and looked up at him adoringly. Bucky looked back at her in confusion.

"See how she's looking at you?" Steve said.

"In a way I don't deserve," Bucky muttered.

"All dogs make their owners feel like that," Steve said briskly, making his friend smile tiredly as he rubbed her head gently. Steve got down on his knees beside his friend and ruffled the dog's fur.

"You're a good person, Buck," he said quietly, as they both looked down at the little dog. "I know it and so does she. You were forced to do bad things, sure, but it was out of your control. You didn't have a choice."

Bucky stayed silent as he rubbed the dog's head.

"If you don't want to go through with tonight, that's fine," Steve pressed, "but sooner or later you'll need to face him. We are living in his house, after all."

His sensitive hearing heard Bucky swallow hard. "I guess tonight is as good a night as any," he said gruffly. Skippy wagged her tail in agreement.


End file.
